Baby pulling to stand in the cot at bedtime

Ask Sally · the column

Ahh yes, this is such a fun new trick that can interrupt sleep for even the unicorns out there. And whilst you know your baby can self settle, there is also a brief period of time where they may genuinely need some help figuring out how to get themselves back down.

When the milestone of pulling to stand develops, it can feel like it’s all they want to do. And rightly so. They’ve just discovered this very exciting new skill and want to practise it approximately 487 times a day. We’d just prefer those 487 attempts to happen during their wake windows instead of bedtime and overnight.

So, lots of practice during the day, but here’s how I would assist them whilst also protecting those amazing self settling skills they already have.

The first thing I want you practising is getting down, not just getting up. We tend to celebrate the pulling to stand part, but your baby also needs to learn how to bend their knees, lower themselves back down and eventually move from standing to sitting or lying independently.

Practise this over and over during the day. Let them pull themselves up on the couch, furniture or the side of the cot while you’re there, then help them work out the mechanics of getting back down. The more confident they become doing this while awake, the less likely they are to genuinely need your help at 2am.

In the meantime, if they pull themselves to stand at bedtime and can’t yet get themselves back down, you can absolutely help them.

Rather than picking them up and physically laying them back down every time, gently unfurl those little fingers from the cot rail and guide them down. You’re helping them experience that slightly wobbly feeling of bending their knees and lowering themselves rather than doing the whole movement for them.

If you’re using a sleep training technique with timed checks, you can do this as part of your check. Help them down, offer your usual reassurance or sleepy phrase, then leave again and give them the opportunity to use the self settling skills you already know are there.

Once you know they can get themselves back down independently, this is where less becomes more.

If every time they stand up you rush back in and lie them down, you can very quickly find yourself in a two-player game of, “I stand up, you come in.” Suddenly this very exciting new developmental skill also comes with the bonus of summoning Mum or Dad into the room.

At that point, I wouldn’t continually lay them back down. If you’re doing checks, go in as you normally would, pat the mattress where you want them to lie, use your sleepy phrase and leave again. They may stand. They may sit. They may bob up and down like they’re at a tiny cot nightclub for a while. That’s okay.

If they eventually fall asleep sitting up, you can quietly go in once they’re asleep, gently lay them down and walk back out - this is usually a very short lived moment.

And importantly, you don’t need to start putting them down asleep again just because they’ve learnt to stand. If independent settling was working beautifully before this milestone, those skills haven’t disappeared. Your baby has just added a very exciting new skill into the mix and needs a little time to work out how it fits with sleep.

Keep practising during the day, help when they genuinely need help getting down, then once you know they have the physical ability to do it themselves, give them the space to figure it out.

Like so many developmental sleep disruptions, the novelty does wear off. I promise they won’t still be standing at the cot rail waiting for you to lie them down when they’re 14. Then again, mine are only 7 and 4, so who am I to know what a teenager does ha!

Sally x

Ask Sally is my weekly column, where I answer the questions that land in my inbox and DMs. If there is something you are navigating with your baby’s sleep, send me your question. Yours might be the next one I answer.

Written by Sally Woods, internationally certified sleep consultant and former paediatric nurse.